A Letter To My Baby Girl

Disclaimer : This post is not to be taken as a depiction of reality. Nope, I’m not married yet as this post is published.It is simply an intimate, personal dream letter that I wish to share with all of you. Jazakum Allah khair.

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Dear my baby girl,

I can’t wait for that day to come when I can feel you forming within my stomach. I can’t wait for that day when I can see my stomach protruding and feel you kicking and moving around. Though I know I will most likely be experiencing morning sicknesses, but the very thought of you will numb it out. I can’t wait for that day where I will be complaining to your baba how fat I’ve gotten and how I happen to just eat anything, more than I usually would. How your grandma would be lecturing me on how careless I’ve been since you’ve been in my tummy and how I should be taking in Javanese herbs to help me with my pregnancy. I long for the moment to come when knowing that there’s a soul within me, I shall be extra panicky and my OCD level will just increase, making things a bit hard for your baba, probably. May Allah make it easy. The thought of what you shall become will constantly occupy your mama’s mind and this will drive her crazy to ensure that all the primary steps are taken earlier. I dream that one day, the words of your Lord will roll out of your tongue easily, thus I will be constantly having His words on my tongue first. Because I know that you will be listening closely in there too.

My baby girl,

I can’t wait for the moment to come when you’ll be arriving into this world crying and the people around you would be smiling, the sun shining, the birds singing and your baba most likely sobbing. That beautiful and emotionally charged moment when I see your baba would do the adhan close to you ears in which I will end up drenched in my own tears. You’ll be kept warm, snuggled cozily in your mama’s arms. Then, those moments shall pass and you’ll grow a little bit bigger. I’ll be in my maternity leave and every single moment shall not pass without your mama documenting you and your actions in photos or videos just as she has dreamed to do so ages ago. Facebook, Intagram, Twitter, Snapchat, your mama and baba will use to tell the world.

Then there will be those beautiful moments where I will cusp your tiny face in my giant palms, still visualizing what will you become. Staring at your closed lids while you’re snoozing. Caressing your rosy cheeks. Kissing you all the time for no other reason than only to sniff that fresh powdery smell lingering all over you. Watching your mini fingers rolled into a ball and frequently place them into mine. I shall devour every second of the moments that will be spent with you. Your smiles, your giggles, your first word and your first step your mama promise she will record. Nothing will go amiss. InshaAllah.

Then, my baby girl you’ll grow a little bit more old. This is when I can see your true personality flourishes either like mine or like that of your baba. I’m guessing, it’ll be like mine. You’ll come home sometimes tired or excited. You’ll ask to join many activities. Swimming, ice skating, running, fairy-dressing, your mama would be there for you. When you fall, I’ll pick you up. When you cry, I’ll wipe your tears and comfort your heart. When you’re happy, I’ll be your listening buddy. When you’re sick, I’ll be making you soup and sleep with you. I promise to always be there for you. Growing up, your mama will make sure that you will not be fazed by the fairy tales or Disney princesses as your role models. But they will be the Sahaba and the Muslim heroes and heroines that your mama will tell you for your bedtime stories. Growing up, you will realize as others might have Justin Bieber or other celebrities as their first crush, your mama and baba will make sure that you will fall in love with your prophet SAW first. You will realize that mama and baba will work hard to implement 3 golden parenting rules in our household : 1)Love for the prophet SAW 2)Love for family and friends 3)Love for the Quran. Mama and baba promise that you’ll grow up in a household full of love, mercy and compassion for that defines our religion.

To be continued……

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Understanding Yourself

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It’s a tough job understanding yourself…..

Growing up you cry too easily. When the society looks down on such a trait, you shove down the emotions and you felt your heart was instead crying. You live at the extreme edges of emotions. Either too cold or too nice. You give too much, take too little. You would rather experience pain and hurt as long as others that you love experience pleasure and happiness. And the cycle continues. Such is the state of your heart. Self-blame is the constant feature of your personality. And often times, you built a tough strong facade of fortitude around your personality so that no one can tell how breakable your inner self really is. You’re a visionary. You dream too big. You plan too much. You expect too much from people. You attach yourself easily to people too. And the result is, your heart is continuously broken and you find yourself alone having to mend it all over again. You can’t help but feel that there is a constant battle taking place in your soul. And of course, you simply love any topic relating to the soul and emotions to justify whatever it is that you’re feeling.

But amidst all of this questioning, you find a greater source of comfort and love. You find Allah. You know that whenever that soft heart of yours is torn times and times again, He will help mend it for you. You know that whatever happens, He’s got your back and those worries don’t last as long. He reminds you that all these heartbreaks and torments of the soul only happens here, in this lowly DUNYA. Over there, in the next world, in a place where your soul truly belongs, He awaits you…..

…..رب ابن لي عندك بيتاً في الجنة

This was taken from a previous Facebook post dated December 11th 2014

I was looking for You

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Allahu Akbar! I relish at my newfound fascination of the sky. Wallahi, its a thing of divine beauty. How can this not remind you of something higher?

I often wonder why do I always look up to the sky? I realized that I was looking for something. Then, I realized that I was looking for You.

This was taken from a previous Facebook post dated November 19th 2014.

The Human Soul

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The human soul is beautiful. If only I can devour it with my eyes. When it loves, it is intense. When it pains, it is also with that same intensity. It is a seat where intensity lies. The soul yearns. The soul struggles. The soul wavers. But the soul can also be still. The stillness that produces a highest form of peace. The peace that when experienced, expresses itself through every muscle and limb of the physical being. The smiles, the words and the ‘as long you’re happy, I’m happy too’. All of these are manifestations of the unseen soul. But, maybe through all of these and more, we can see the SOUL after all. We can see and experience the true greatness of God through seeing our own souls.

This was taken from a previous Facebook post of November 15th 2014

Beautiful Sinners

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We are all sinners. There are times when we stumble and fall. We cry and fall into despair. But know that His door of mercy is always open. Return to the Most Merciful for He is ALWAYS waiting for your return. It is never too late to return to Him. Run, walk or crawl if you want. But just dont be afraid of turning back to Him. Return to Him sincerely with a heart willing to be purified. The heart will struggle. But the heart will come out stronger and more sound inshaAllah.

And for that we shall be sinners but we shall be BEAUTIFUL sinners.

This was taken from a previous Facebook post dated November 1st 2014.

His love

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We often feel unloved or unappreciated. Don’t we? But, that’s because we place our expectations of love and mercy at the hands of people. At the hands of creations. But what about His love? Maybe our eyes but most importantly our hearts are blind towards His Almighty love. Remember those people who smiled at us and being kind to us randomly? What about our parents unconditional love and care towards us? Do we realize that all of them are actually manifestations of His unconditional love towards us? He sends down and showers His love thru every breath that we take but we are blind thus our mouths complain. How ungrateful are human beings.

He loves you. And His love is all that you need..

This was taken from a previous Facebook post dated October 22nd 2014

True Home Of Our Souls

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Feel that tranquility and happiness within your heart? See the beauty of the sun as it rises in the morning? Smell those sweet fragrant scents? See those smiles and happiness all around you? These are all glimpses of JANNAH in this dunya. JANNAH. A place of eternal and everlasting beauty and perfection. The true home of our souls. It is from His mercy that He is letting us to have a taste of them here so we may strive hard for a place where no sadness or anxiety may prevail in the life to come. May we all be gathered in the paradise where our souls truly belong.

Ameen.

This was taken from a previous Facebook post dated October 12th 2014

Path To God

 

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The path to God is not easy. Sometimes, you have to be brought down to your lowest in order for you to crawl back out to Him. Sometimes you have to be tested with heartbreaks and losses of people and things that you loved the most so that you may realign your target of attachment. Maybe you were too obsessed and too attached to the creations that you forgot the Creator. Maybe you utter easily with your tongue that you believe in Him, but it takes tests and trials to see whether the same is true within your heart. Maybe the trials and tribulations that you faced is just Allah’s signal that He is missing you and wants you to come back and ask help from Him. He just wants you to draw close to Him again. Therefore, in times of great trials, 2 important ingredients are needed to succeed; patience and taqwa. Patience takes courage. This will inshaAllah slowly lead to you gaining taqwa (God-consciousness) by asking and never stop asking ONLY from Him azza w jal. The intensity of the tests will inshaAllah fade away and serenity will reside within your heart. May Allah ease all of our affairs

صبر جميل والله المستعان….

This was taken from a previous Facebook post dated October 12th 2014

I Saw My Prophet SAW In You

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Today I witnessed a scene that taught me a multitude of lessons. As I went into the car to go back home, my eyes caught the look of a panicking African man. He looked very anxious and was catching up his breaths. Then, I began to assume a clearer picture. He was trying to help someone in car. He was pushing the car as hard as he could and next to him I could see a cute little Arab boy giving a helping hand. Then, something in me hits hard. The whole picture suddenly looks sadder than usual. The little boy was helping pushing the car that belongs to his father who’s trying to revive the car from within. But, it keeps failing to do so. I sat watching. And feeling extremely helpless as I couldn’t think at the top of my head what could I do to release them from their struggle at the time. The humanity within me was screaming telling me to just do something. I asked my mom if we could ask if they need a lift to go somewhere. Then, the African man came close to our car. He politely asked if we have a jumpstarter to lend them so they may bring the car back to life with it. We regrettedly said we had none. But one thing that I couldn’t forget was how polite and humble the African man in which he even managed to carve a smile in his anxious face in asking us (women) for a help. All of this simply to help a fellow Muslim brother. Then, something hits me hard as we hopelessly had to leave them to ask others for the jumpstarter. I saw something so beautiful. I saw my prophet PBUH in that African man. I saw the reflection of my beloved prophet SAW in the character of that man. Not skin color or language barrier made him think twice to help a fellow Muslim brother in need. That was the message that was brought by our beloved SAW. A message of brotherhood. A message so universal of love and humanity. Peace and blessings be upon him, the mercy to all mankind.

This was taken from a previous Facebook post dated October 3rd 2014.

The princess that you are

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Growing up, we all wanted to be a princess. Thanks to Mr Walt Disney, even as grown ups, the idea of princesses tug at our hearts. Just take a look at our mothers’ fascination with the late Princess Diana or our current obsession with Kate Middleton or Queen Rania.

Well, I am here to tell you that every Muslim woman is a princess by default. So honored in the eyes of her God, she’s untouchable physically and emotionally. Her Master tells her that her beauty is not defined by the society but is defined by the abundance of mercy existing and flourishing within her heart often times overflowing and changing the lives of people around her. When she loves, it’s contagious. It’s intimate. It’s intense. It’s warm. She needs not to be kissed, saved or protected by any prince charming. She is well-guarded by the King of kings. Her soul is pristine. Attached to a higher realm, yearning for the Garden up above, her soul is not given away too easily to the lowly and undeserving dunya. She does not need a tiara, a gown or a palace of this life to tell that she’s a princess. Only her loyal relationship with her Maker and her intense longing for her perpetual palace in the next world will.

When she speaks, she speaks with passion. A passion that fires within her. It gives birth to change. It moves the world. Yes, she does tear up. Too easily too you might say. At pretty much almost anything. But you fail to see something beautiful in that. You forget that this quality is a quality of mercy. It indicates the softness and purity of her heart. And these are things that makes a mother, a MOTHER. She, according to Ibn al-Qayyim al-Jawziyya, is like half a nation, which gives birth to the other half which makes her, yes, you’re right, an entire nation.

Her modesty and shyness are mesmerizing. The beauty of her heart is dazzling and irresistible to the eyes of those who are truly awake. When she is a daughter, she is obedient and kind. When she is a wife, she is loyal and understanding. When she is a mother, she is loving and merciful. When she is an activist, she is passionate and driven.

She acknowledges deep down she is not perfect. She is broken, flawed and weak. But she knows relying on others does not make her any stronger, it is only when she places her reliance on the Most Strong can she truly survive this harsh and brutal world. When she is broken, she knows that the best remedy is not found by crying in the shoulder of others, but by shedding tears to Her Lord in sujood. When fleeing from this stormy life, she knows that the best solace and refuge can only be found in salah and dua. To return back to her Lord, is to return Home.

Carry yourself like the princess that you are. Lofty standards guide you. Divine love nourishes you. The highest Garden awaits you.